Wiccanwoman – my blog

When I am a Crone, I shall wear my pentacle,
With dangling earrings that tickle my shoulders, and suit me just fine.
And I shall spend my savings on books and charity and wine,
And say we’ve no time to waste, and still fight against iniquity.

I shall sit at peace whenever I wish should my load grow heavy,
And reach out to my Goddess, and she shall give me the strength to go on.
I’ll push the tummies of dozens of stuffed animals to make them sing at once
And leap with abandon onto displays of beds with cushy pillows in the stores,
Laughing until the tears come, and smiling at those watching me, wishing they could do the same.

I shall go out naked in the rain to dance in the dark in my garden,
Caressed by the fragrant rosemary and lavender and patchouli,
And affirm it matters not how old I am, or what I weigh, or if my hair is grey –
Because my Goddess loves me, and I smell wonderful.

I can wear socks with patterns that don’t match my cape,
And eat three pounds of chocolate if I wish,
Or only water, almonds and apples for a week,
And hoard beads and charms and purring cats, and be called eccentric.

Still, we must have our homes, and clothes to keep us warm and dry,
And pay our bills on time, and keep our word of honor,
And so set good examples for our children
By being the best Daughters of the Goddess we can be, every day.

There is no need for me to practice at this, though…
As I have made my way and am proud of who I’ve become,
And people who know me are never too shocked and surprised by what I do,
Because they know me as a Crone, and I proudly wear my pentacle.

 self-portrait – January 25, 2012

* * *

With thanks for the inspiration and apologies for the mangling to

Jenny Joseph, who is authoress of “Warning” –

http://www.wheniamanoldwoman.com/pages/348544/index.htm

SO BE IT – may my sisters and brothers hide no more.

As for myself, I have never hidden in the (broom) closet, and so have battled all my life… no lie… ALL my life, since single-digit childhood.  I knew I was of the Goddess, but I had to struggle to find her.  She didn’t have a name.  I didn’t know who She was, or where She was, or what She was.  I had to learn to find Her without a teacher to guide me at first.  I had to struggle to understand what we were all about. 

By my family and my classmates I was bullied, made fun of, harassed, belittled, misunderstood, cast out, ignored and hated.  In my search for truth, I made mistakes, stumbled and fell at times, cried hot tears of pain and being alone and sad, and even wished for the Angel of Death to visit me because I felt I could take no more of it… but more I took, and then more again.  It built upon me, and I carried it, and more.  I remember the agony.  I remember the loneliness.  I remember it all.

But now, after what was a most beautiful struggle, after all the growing pains, after all the searching and learning and hurt…

I AM WHO I AM. 

I AM WHAT I AM. 

I AM SO HAPPY AND CONTENT I COULD BURST. 

Those of you who disrespected me, who bullied me, who tried your utmost to destroy me… you have failed.  You and what you did were but tools – like hammers and nails, needles and scissors, bricks and mortar!  I didn’t know it at the time, but you were only TOOLS.  Guided by the Goddess, I was able to use YOU, rather than YOU using ME.  I may not have know it, but what you did to me throughout my lifetime served only to strengthen me and educate me and help me in my growth. 

You silly, sad people, you have failed in what you thought you were doing, and now in my Cronehood, I pity you.  I feel sorry for you and I pray for you.  I pray that whomever is your choice of God/dess(es) forgive(s) you for your actions.  They may have been evil acts, they may have been ignorant acts, they may have been what you thought were simply humorous, insulting tricks, not knowing or caring that your laughter at me brought tears and a wish for death.

I wonder today if you BULLIES have children.  Are they bullies, as you were?  Did you teach them to do as you did, to harass and tease the weak and confused and lonely?  Or has fate dealt you an interesting hand, and were they bullied, instead?  What have you taught them?  Did you confess to them that you made fun of others so viciously that you caused pain and tears and agony?  Did you ever seek out those you hurt and harmed, to apologize?  I can only wonder… but it matters not.

I am so content and self-assured after walking through the fire that I teach others to find the peace, strength and happiness I found within the depths of my soul… and if that was the end-all and be-all of the torture to which you subjected me, then NAMASTE… I bow, and honor the divine in you,because I would not change a thing in my life… not… a… single… thing.  And every step, every action in my life has made me who I am today… including YOU.

I AM WHO I AM.

I AM WHAT I AM.

I only hope that you can say the same.

( With deep gratiude to Vickie Rae for the inspiration this evening — http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=1180883540 )

So… there is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. “Such bad luck,” they said sympathetically. “May be,” the farmer replied. The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. “How wonderful,” the neighbors exclaimed. “May be,” replied the old man. The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. “May be,” answered the farmer. The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. “May be,” said the farmer.

“MAYBE” reprinted from:  http://www.detoxifynow.com/zen_parables.html

What has this entry to do with the story above, you ask?  Ah.  Continue on, dear reader.

The Monday following Thanksgiving weekend, I exited our home on my way to work to see that the side gate to our property was open, blowing in the wind.

Not good.  Very bad, in fact.  That gate is never, ever left open.  I was in a hurry, so I gave only a cursory glance about… exited the gate, got in the PTCruiser and drove to work.  It was when I got home and faced the house from the rear that my blood ran cold.  Our generator was gone.  Our BRAND NEW generator.  The one we bought in the summer, before Hurricane Irene hit Long Island.  It had been sitting outside, waiting to be run out of gas before being safely stored for the winter.

I reported the theft to my insurance company, and was assured I was covered as long as I reported the theft to the police.

I reported the theft to the police, and got a complaint number.

I supplied the complaint number to my insurance company.

I received swift payment from my insurance company.

I received equally as swift a telephone call from an innocent bystander employed by my carrier.  She brought news that my rate was increasing by $2,000 per year… all because of a loss for less than $700.

My heart dropped into my gut.  Then, I felt empowered.  I was no longer myself.

I felt the Goddess take me over, I swear, it was She… She Who Knows All.  I felt that feeling you get when you drink – what?? – ummm, spiced egg-nog? rum? no – TEQUILA!  It starts off smooth, hot and cold all at the same time, and runs down your throat into the pit of your stomach and you become – what?? – INVINCIBLE!  No lie, I felt like I could do and say no wrong.

I spoke through my teeth.  Smoothly and swiftly I pointed out that I paid life insurance premiums for 2 adults (just readjusted in December)… auto policies for 2 new motor vehicles… and home-owner and renter insurance for 5 – COUNT THEM – 5 real properties (actually 3 out of the 5 real properties, but like Bluto in Animal House when he said the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor – I was rolling)!  I told her – “Cancel them all.  Now.”  Her response?  “You can’t be serious.”  My response?  “Try me.”

In less than a week, ALL my rates have been REDUCED.  What a gift for the new year!

On another note… to whomever stole my property, it took me awhile to think it through, and this is what I have decided.

I PITY YOU.

(Flag made, photo taken and product sold to me by http://www.etsy.com/people/MickieMuellerStudio )

As some of you may know, my homestead is called FaerieHaven.  Within it’s gates, all is blessed… all is SACRED… it is one of the Homes of the Goddess.  See Her there, up on my chimney?  She watches over us.  She loves us because we love Her.  … THIS … IS … HER … LAND … !

So… to the thief – or thieves – who stole our generator (full of gas, for which we ALSO were paid by our carrier, thank you very much)… I do pity you.

You ignorant, selfish fools.

You dared tread on sacred ground with larceny in your heart(s).

You dared care more for yourself than others.

You dared confront the Goddess in all her glory.

You are doomed.

You know what?  I wouldn’t blink if I read in the newspaper that someone’s generator blew up, and burned their house to the ground.  I wouldn’t so much as blink.

You built your Karma, now wrap yourself in it.

Word is out, you know.  I may be a white chick but I don’t live in Central Islip, New York without connections.  Oh… and by the way… the neighbors across the street?  They have their video-camera system on, 24/7.  So… you… are… screwed.

Bring it back – full of gas – and I will ask the Goddess to forgive you.  I’ll even send the check back to the carrier.

If not?  Oh well. `Tis your decision to make… not mine. 

So mote it be.