SO BE IT – may my sisters and brothers hide no more.
As for myself, I have never hidden in the (broom) closet, and so have battled all my life… no lie… ALL my life, since single-digit childhood. I knew I was of the Goddess, but I had to struggle to find her. She didn’t have a name. I didn’t know who She was, or where She was, or what She was. I had to learn to find Her without a teacher to guide me at first. I had to struggle to understand what we were all about.
By my family and my classmates I was bullied, made fun of, harassed, belittled, misunderstood, cast out, ignored and hated. In my search for truth, I made mistakes, stumbled and fell at times, cried hot tears of pain and being alone and sad, and even wished for the Angel of Death to visit me because I felt I could take no more of it… but more I took, and then more again. It built upon me, and I carried it, and more. I remember the agony. I remember the loneliness. I remember it all.
But now, after what was a most beautiful struggle, after all the growing pains, after all the searching and learning and hurt…
I AM WHO I AM.
I AM WHAT I AM.
I AM SO HAPPY AND CONTENT I COULD BURST.
Those of you who disrespected me, who bullied me, who tried your utmost to destroy me… you have failed. You and what you did were but tools – like hammers and nails, needles and scissors, bricks and mortar! I didn’t know it at the time, but you were only TOOLS. Guided by the Goddess, I was able to use YOU, rather than YOU using ME. I may not have know it, but what you did to me throughout my lifetime served only to strengthen me and educate me and help me in my growth.
You silly, sad people, you have failed in what you thought you were doing, and now in my Cronehood, I pity you. I feel sorry for you and I pray for you. I pray that whomever is your choice of God/dess(es) forgive(s) you for your actions. They may have been evil acts, they may have been ignorant acts, they may have been what you thought were simply humorous, insulting tricks, not knowing or caring that your laughter at me brought tears and a wish for death.
I wonder today if you BULLIES have children. Are they bullies, as you were? Did you teach them to do as you did, to harass and tease the weak and confused and lonely? Or has fate dealt you an interesting hand, and were they bullied, instead? What have you taught them? Did you confess to them that you made fun of others so viciously that you caused pain and tears and agony? Did you ever seek out those you hurt and harmed, to apologize? I can only wonder… but it matters not.
I am so content and self-assured after walking through the fire that I teach others to find the peace, strength and happiness I found within the depths of my soul… and if that was the end-all and be-all of the torture to which you subjected me, then NAMASTE… I bow, and honor the divine in you,because I would not change a thing in my life… not… a… single… thing. And every step, every action in my life has made me who I am today… including YOU.
I AM WHO I AM.
I AM WHAT I AM.
I only hope that you can say the same.
( With deep gratiude to Vickie Rae for the inspiration this evening — http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=1180883540 )