We Will Hide No More


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SO BE IT – may my sisters and brothers hide no more.

As for myself, I have never hidden in the (broom) closet, and so have battled all my life… no lie… ALL my life, since single-digit childhood.  I knew I was of the Goddess, but I had to struggle to find her.  She didn’t have a name.  I didn’t know who She was, or where She was, or what She was.  I had to learn to find Her without a teacher to guide me at first.  I had to struggle to understand what we were all about. 

By my family and my classmates I was bullied, made fun of, harassed, belittled, misunderstood, cast out, ignored and hated.  In my search for truth, I made mistakes, stumbled and fell at times, cried hot tears of pain and being alone and sad, and even wished for the Angel of Death to visit me because I felt I could take no more of it… but more I took, and then more again.  It built upon me, and I carried it, and more.  I remember the agony.  I remember the loneliness.  I remember it all.

But now, after what was a most beautiful struggle, after all the growing pains, after all the searching and learning and hurt…

I AM WHO I AM. 

I AM WHAT I AM. 

I AM SO HAPPY AND CONTENT I COULD BURST. 

Those of you who disrespected me, who bullied me, who tried your utmost to destroy me… you have failed.  You and what you did were but tools – like hammers and nails, needles and scissors, bricks and mortar!  I didn’t know it at the time, but you were only TOOLS.  Guided by the Goddess, I was able to use YOU, rather than YOU using ME.  I may not have know it, but what you did to me throughout my lifetime served only to strengthen me and educate me and help me in my growth. 

You silly, sad people, you have failed in what you thought you were doing, and now in my Cronehood, I pity you.  I feel sorry for you and I pray for you.  I pray that whomever is your choice of God/dess(es) forgive(s) you for your actions.  They may have been evil acts, they may have been ignorant acts, they may have been what you thought were simply humorous, insulting tricks, not knowing or caring that your laughter at me brought tears and a wish for death.

I wonder today if you BULLIES have children.  Are they bullies, as you were?  Did you teach them to do as you did, to harass and tease the weak and confused and lonely?  Or has fate dealt you an interesting hand, and were they bullied, instead?  What have you taught them?  Did you confess to them that you made fun of others so viciously that you caused pain and tears and agony?  Did you ever seek out those you hurt and harmed, to apologize?  I can only wonder… but it matters not.

I am so content and self-assured after walking through the fire that I teach others to find the peace, strength and happiness I found within the depths of my soul… and if that was the end-all and be-all of the torture to which you subjected me, then NAMASTE… I bow, and honor the divine in you,because I would not change a thing in my life… not… a… single… thing.  And every step, every action in my life has made me who I am today… including YOU.

I AM WHO I AM.

I AM WHAT I AM.

I only hope that you can say the same.

( With deep gratiude to Vickie Rae for the inspiration this evening — http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=1180883540 )

 

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5 Comments

  1. Angelique Autumn said,

    January 22, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    “I didn’t know at the time, but you were the TOOLS” I love this revelation! It is hard to see mistreatment as ways to growth, but it is so true. It is hard to prune trees and bushes without tools to do so, it is hard to plant a seed without a tool to dig the hole and put the seed in so it can grow into something beautiful and nourishing! Thank you for your post! I embrace it and honor you! Love!

    Like

  2. Vickie Rae said,

    January 22, 2012 at 10:46 pm

    Awesome!!

    Like

  3. david lyles said,

    January 23, 2012 at 10:19 am

    Well said!

    Like

  4. FeistyAmazon said,

    January 24, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    Thanks! I came out when the DykeWitches brought me out, both as a Lesbian and as a Witch… and have proudly been one ever since the tender age of 21! I’ve been into Goddess Worship for 30 years now, and proudly so. The hardest is deciding whether to come out into my work environment or not… so I more allude to it than anything else. I used to wear my pentacle to work at neck level, but now, because work is so hard to get, I choose to leave most of my sacred symbols at lower neck level where they can be covered over by my t- shirt. At times though, I will have my Snake Priestess Labyris showing at neck level, and I know some have asked “Is that an angel?” and she has her breasts showing and everything… so I say “that’s the sign of the womon warrior, and this symbol is from ancient Crete!” I wore my Goddess pendant under my shirt the entire time I was on this last job… and my coworker asked if I worship in the Jewish religion (cuz I make sure I let ’em know I AM NOT Christian) and my response is: “I’m proud of my Jewish heritage and celebrate some of the holidays, but I also have my OWN spiritual beliefs.” Depending on whom I am talking to, is how I will respond further. This guy I told ’em, “I celebrate through dancing, and you saw me dance” (and he did indeed at a conference we were recently at), and he said: “I could see that!” but he doesn’t know how far that goes! Dancing is essential in EVERY ritual I go to, for me to connect with Her… and feel the energies through my body. What he saw was an excellent DJ, and me surrounded by women, dancing all night long, while there were male/female couples on the dance floor too. I put as much of my energy dancing then as I do in ritual, meaning my whole heart and soul, cuz dancing around womyn has always been so incredibly empowering for me, wherever I am, and when I feel happiest… others, like in A.A. who question me, I say, “I celebrate the cycles and seasons, much like the Native Americans, and I only worship Female Higher Powers/Mother Earth” etc.

    It all depends on how much I feel comfortable revealing, how safe, and what the consequences could be. When it comes to work, I am not willing to take those risks as much as I would in most other environments, but neither do I compromise my essential self! Good for you for sticking it out for a lifetime. Me? I’m a lifetime Amazon, ever since I connected with Artemis’ story when I studied Her in 5th grade, and wanted to run away to the woods to be with Her and Her Maidens, free from men, and from the oppressive patriarchal environment where females are less-than. And then when I got into the martial arts at age 14, right at puberty, my initial training as an Amazon, eventually getting my Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do… then getting into Goddess worship and coming out as a Dyke at age 20/21… it all happened in that fateful year: 1981, when everything changed and I was fully put on Her Path, which I have been on ever since. But even as a kid, I was fascinated by my dreams, mythology, fairy tales, science fiction, Goddesses, E.S.P. and psychic powers and the occult.

    Like

    • Vickie Rae said,

      January 24, 2012 at 8:21 pm

      Tis a shame due to work or a lack there we still must remain unknown. But I try to look at that one aspect of our being as necessary to take care of our own, and I bite my tongue quite a bit. I am out, but believe this has held me back from finding any real work here in the bible belt. But you are such impressive and strong women, that some day we will take our rightful place with the Mother Goddess, blessing to all of you!!

      Like


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